Boundaries, what is this term we have heard so much about and have less examples of its existence? Boundaries are the parameters you place around yourself, certain situations etc. As a therapist, one of the most common topics we discuss in sessions is setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries in general can be challenging because they require you to stand your ground and be cool while being uncomfortable. It is “uncomfortable” with a purpose. The purpose is to become healthier and learn more about what you need versus what others want from you.
When you have boundaries, it doesn't mean you have to explain yourself to anyone. You may, however, want to provide brief details about something you do not like. Boundaries are a limit you are setting for yourself to protect your mental health, your values, your needs and relationships. Setting a boundary doesn't mean you place a brick wall up and your answer is no to everyone your encounter. It looks more like you not allowing everyone the same access to you as others.
Here are three questions for you to answer. If you answer yes, to any one of the questions it is an opportunity to set a boundary to reduce the possibility of miscommunication.
1. Have you instantly given someone access to your private thoughts without putting in the work to earn your trust?
2. Have you been given an ultimatum and the consequences are drastic?
3. Do you often find your personal space invaded?
A common argument someone may use who crossed a boundary, "How was I supposed to know you didn't like that?" I caution you before getting upset with someone for you to consider if you have clearly communicated this boundary or if you assumed they knew. In this case, respect the misunderstanding, forgive and make it clear moving forward. I also understand every situation does not fall into this category, so use good judgement. Be careful, safe and inspired.
Dr. K