It would be dishonest of me to say I do not know the feeling of defeat. My best description of the feeling is the end of a heavyweight boxing match. I felt ill equipped for the battle ahead. There were moments through the process I wanted to surrender or throw in the towel. My exhaustion or feelings of being unmatched were the lies I told myself. Distortions of my own cognition with no valid backing of facts.
This thinking pattern resulted in goals being delayed, frustration, and tearful nights. When I started to fact check for the root cause of these feelings I discovered a pattern. My pattern was listening to others who were not a part who God called me to be. I tried to bring along others past the gate of my previous stage to the next stage. I believed their fears over the promises of God.
When I stopped subscribing to the fears of my circle I broke free. Breaking free did not stop once I recognized the problem. From that moment on, I had to recognize the unhealthy habits I learned from my relationships. My new pattern of pressing forward through all things required greater prayer and less complaining. The complaining did not replenish my well, instead it left space to fill. In other words, I surrounded myself with persons and activities that could do nothing more than feed my lack of faith.
Today I stand firm on a foundation after construction. My faith increased when I stopped believing the lies from the insecurities of others. There was nothing in my life to date that said I was made to surrender. Of course, there are times I have to stand back because the battle is not mine. There are other times when God tells me what I thought was mine is not mine.
I want to leave you with this, the use of “others” included myself. I was unhealthy to myself. Today, I continue to work on improving my thought patterns by increasing my prayer life.
-Dr. Kennedy