Our knives refer to the harsh language that comes from our mouths, body and lack of body language. In turn, sugar refers to the sweet ways that we communicate. How do you communicate what is going on with you? If you need something, how do you let others know?
Are your words like a dagger? Are they quick and sharp? Do you often find yourself offending others with your words? To assume you only communicate with your words is inaccurate. We are creatures who communicate with our eyes, body posture, written or texted expression, even when we don’t provide any response. Either way we are communicating.
What about your tone?
When you speak to someone how does your tone come off? Condescending versus respectful, uncertain or confident, anxious rather than soothing? Before we jump into the next paragraph, take a pause. Spend a moment thinking about your tone in the majority of your conversations.
What have you discovered the majority of your communication has communicated? Don't be hard on yourself, just recognize how you have communicated and be intentional about how you will improve. Here a few tips to get you started:
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Slow down, you want to think before you speak. (I know this sounds elementary, but it can have a huge impact)
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Check for the positioning of your body. (Are your shoulders up, tight like you are ready to fight? How are you feeling about this conversation in your body?)
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Where are you positioned in the room? (Are you standing while they are sitting? Are you standing too close to the person you are talking to?)
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What are you competing with in the room? (How is the volume on the TV? Are your neighbors mowing the lawn?)
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When are you deciding to have this conversation? (Did they just get off work? Distracted by children or the phone? Ask about their day first to assess if this is the best time for your conversation)
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Ask yourself, what am I looking to achieve from this conversation? (Am I looking to feel better about something? Well, if that's the case spend more time checking in with yourself of how much power of your feelings are you giving the other person. Be careful that you may be making someone else responsible for how you feel. Someone's can have the intent to make you feel bad, but you have the choice to feel bad or not.
Be Encouraged,
Dr. K